The Occasional Solipsist

Ok, so I just spent the last half hour playing with my cat. And I realized that I actually couldn't remember the last time I had done it. Just played with the cat for a long stretch. Dangled some string in front of his nose, smacked his paws so he'd bite me a little. I mean, the cats sleep with us and I pet them on the way by, give them treats, whatever.

But that's not the point. Point is I could not remember the last time I had done it and it got me thinking about time; I can only suppose similarly to how a parent might suddenly realize the passage of years when some milestone with their child occurs.

Its amazing how time can creep past you when you're not looking. I know that anyone older than me would say that I am too young to start in with This Stuff (or a part of me fervently hopes that) and I'm pretty confident that most people younger than me would wonder at what the hell the fuss is about.

Must be nice not knowing what its like to feel the years slide away from you as you get older and the things that you thought would happen to you get fainter in your minds eye, to the point that you can't be sure what you saw for yourself, but you're sure that its not what life has thrown you.

When you're younger, maybe you're in high school or college, it seems like there is a limitless future ahead of you. Maybe before having less friends left unmarried than married. Maybe before you've had to sit and hold the hand of the man would've been your child's godfather just hours before his death. Or before you've realized (but not yet accepted) that you're never going to realize childhood dreams of success. I guess it would have been nice at a that younger age had someone had the sense to tell me what was coming.

But it's a safe bet that I wouldn't have listened anyway.

Hmmm, I suppose that none of this has anything to do with my not dealing with the fact that I am soon to be thirty, am unemployed (again), have gone through a lifetime's worth of death, am still renting (not owning) and haven't even tried to have a kid yet.

Nah, must be something else. Because if it were even some combination of those things, hell even one, I might get myself depressed and nobody wants that, do they?

Think I'll go play with the dog.

Labels: everything else