The Occasional Solipsist

I'm not sure why it took me so long to get around to seeing the movie 'Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind'. I was aware of it, and had heard that it was a good modern love story with some fairly sci fi elements to it. What I had not heard was just how good of a movie it really was.

I honestly don't know why Jim Carrey was passed for an oscar for The Truman Show; maybe talking out of your asshole (a la Ace Ventura) permanently bans you from oscar nomination. But the fact that no one said much of a peep about how great he was in this movie really surprises me.

Eternal Sunshine is one of the best movies I've seen in a long time. For those who haven't seen it, the plot revolves around two people Joel (Carrey) and Clementine (the amazing Kate Winslet) in a relationship together that end up choosing to get their memories of each other erased.

The movie follows Carrey as his memories are erased backwards from the beginning of the procedure back to the moment they first met, and then to how two now-strangers find themselves together again. The movie is bittersweet and tragic and textured with the feelings of a real relationship, warts and all. And it really got me thinking about what a truly horrible thing it would be to have your memories taken from you. Not just the good ones, but all of the memories, bad included.

I often think (and talk) about causality. How each of the experiences I have had, the decisions I’ve made have shaped and influenced the person that I have become. And because for the most part I like the person that I am today, and the life that I enjoy and am lucky to have, I've become a big believer in not having regrets, because even the stupid choices a person makes influences the course of their life. Maybe more than the 'smart' choices. And man have there been a shitload of stupid choices. And I guess maybe that sounds like an excuse for not dwelling on past behaviour, but that’s the way I think.

And it still beats the old Catholic confession method. But I digress.

After watching the movie tonight, I’ve been thinking about the person I would be if I had never met my wife, or if all of the memories that had to do with her were somehow taken from me. And I find the idea absolutely terrifying. I have been fortunate enough to end up with a person who is warm and caring, and capable of not only putting up with my idiosyncrasies but loving me for them. And like Clementine she is volatile and passionate, capable of evoking the best and worst feelings in me, and absolutely wonderful.

I don’t know what I would do without my Clementine, but I know that I wouldn't be the man I am without my memories with her.

Labels: scifi