missing you
Tuesday, May 08, 2007
I really don't know that I am using this blog the way they were intended. I go in spurts where I write in it all the time, and then I hit spots where I either don't feel like writing or don't have anything much to say. Or both. Is there such a thing as blogger's block, or it just called laziness?
Meh, either way.
I'm feeling pretty isolated these days. Superwife and Trin have been gone for a week tonight, and they won't be back til Friday still. And its too long to be without them. I went home to let my dog out last night about 1 in the morning (night shifts this week) and went into my daughter's room, closed the door, turned off the light and just soaked it in. Her empty crib, bathed in the amber glow of the streetlight, the smell of her diapers and cream and wipes and clothes making me wince with the strength of their associated memories. I only cried for a minute or so.
I could never have imagined being this dependant on relationships with other people. If you had told me that I would end up like this 10 years ago I would have laughed at you. Hard. If there was one defining thing about my life prior to my time with my girls it was that the only person who could ever be counted on was myself. Everyone else in my life had always turned out to be a disappointment, or worse. But now, I find being away from the only people who really matter to me for any length of time is so hard its almost unbearable.
I heard that old John Waite song on the radio earlier today, the only one of his that anyone would remember, Missing You. And as cheesy a song as it is, it fit with my melancholy mood spot on.
I can't wait until my girls come home on Friday. I can't wait until I get to have some time off with them. And I can't wait to feel my little girls arms around my neck again.
Meh, either way.
I'm feeling pretty isolated these days. Superwife and Trin have been gone for a week tonight, and they won't be back til Friday still. And its too long to be without them. I went home to let my dog out last night about 1 in the morning (night shifts this week) and went into my daughter's room, closed the door, turned off the light and just soaked it in. Her empty crib, bathed in the amber glow of the streetlight, the smell of her diapers and cream and wipes and clothes making me wince with the strength of their associated memories. I only cried for a minute or so.
I could never have imagined being this dependant on relationships with other people. If you had told me that I would end up like this 10 years ago I would have laughed at you. Hard. If there was one defining thing about my life prior to my time with my girls it was that the only person who could ever be counted on was myself. Everyone else in my life had always turned out to be a disappointment, or worse. But now, I find being away from the only people who really matter to me for any length of time is so hard its almost unbearable.
I heard that old John Waite song on the radio earlier today, the only one of his that anyone would remember, Missing You. And as cheesy a song as it is, it fit with my melancholy mood spot on.
I can't wait until my girls come home on Friday. I can't wait until I get to have some time off with them. And I can't wait to feel my little girls arms around my neck again.
Labels: everything else, trinity
posted by raistlinsghost at 5/08/2007 04:52:00 PM
11 Comments:
I go in fits and spurts too.
You know you are totally screwed right? When the girls were born, Glen realized he'd have the shiniest shotgun on the block.
Yeah I am screwed indeed.
But now that you mention it, a shotgun sounds like just the ticket.
Aww. . .that's so sweet. Hang in there, a week isn't too long!
Thanks Dawn. I'm through the worst of it now. Only one more day and night to go.
Hey, man. I know exactly how you feel. Here's a story that might illustrate...
A few years ago, about a year after my son was born, my wife and him went down to Texas to visit her sister for a week. For the first night, it was nice having some time to myself. Then reality kicked in.
I remember sitting on my back deck thinking to myself, "Boy, if I wasn't married, I could have this kind of quiet time all the time." (And I'm a guy that REALLY likes my alone time.)
Then I thought: "Wouldn't THAT suck." lol.
Then, the wife and son spent months at a time about a year and a half ago at her mom's 4 hours away, because her mom was going to die soon. Man, that was HARD. I remember meeting them halfway once to have dinner. My little boy cried for his daddy and I just lost it. I cried and cried, and I'm not ashamed to say so.
I love my family. I love my wife, my son, and my dog (who Logan calls his sister).
I really don't understand people who think fame, money, etc., is so important. Your family... that's where it's at.
I'm here, if you want to IM me, or try out that webcam thing tonight so we can finally meet "in person". Shoot me an email and let me know.
Hang in there. Tomorrow will be great when they come back. (Not only that, but it's my birthday, so doubly so, lol).
I do wish we lived closer, because I don't think I've met another person, really, that looks so much at life the way that I do. Hope I can say that without sounding too hokey.
But hey, life is short. You gotta tell your friends, near and far away, how you feel about them.
Your wife and daughter love you and I'm sure they are missing you just as much.
Thanks Michael. I appreciate the sentiment and the story.
Its weird how alike we are eh? I too used to be all about being alone. Probably to a socially unhealthy point for most of my life, in fact.
And when the girls are going to be away for a day or a night its not so bad, especially if I'm not working. I even look forward to the alone time.
But this one was bad. I don't want to go through this much time apart from them again if I can help it.
And thanks for the offer to try out my webcam, but I'm at work tonight so no-can-do. We'll do that soon though. If we can't hang out, at least we can virtually hang out.
And happy birthday if I don't get the chance to say so.
At least it was only a week - my wife has been moved to another city for 3 months to open a new store :'-(
Only 3 weeks to go now...
ok, well that by comparison that does seem a lot worse.
I feel your pain.
Thanks :-}
Of course you know this blows our cover as solipsists?
Hm, I guess it does. But I think that you and I could come up with some philosophical arguments around that. Course, only one of us is real...
Well of course that's easy - it's just the dispair of losing part of your mind for an extended period of time :D
The harder part to explain is why we blog in an attempt to connect and judge our relative importance against those phantoms that we haven't even yet created...
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