dammit Jim, I'm a geek, not a groundskeeper!
Tuesday, May 20, 2008
So I have been having some fun with the Out-Laws lately, specifically the F-I-L. Great guy, as I have said before, but now that we are in the middle of getting the outside of our place ready, he is being just a little more vocal in giving his opinion on how I should get things done than I am comfortable with. He is a very forceful guy, used to being completely in charge at work, and that bleeds out a bit whenever anyone is working with him. Normally its all good, as I am usually helping him do something, and I acquiesce to him where his business is concerned. But lately, he's been helping out at our new place, and he has been a huge help, bringing over tools, and machinery, even driving his tractor over to help smooth out topsoil. Holy shit I am going to sound ungrateful complaining about this.
But, here's the thing: As helpful as he is, he thinks that there is only one right way to do anything, and guess whose way that is?(I'll give you a hint; it's not mine.) And he might be right, but that is not the point.
One part of doing things his way is for me to agree to every suggestion he might have on how best to prepare our lot, which I rankle at, because I do not like people telling me what to do. Advise, if asked, sure. But tell me what to do with my own place? Grr. The other, and more judgemental way of doing things his way is the not-completely-voiced opinion that I should be out in the yard shoveling, raking, planting, whatever every free second I have. Which is not my favourite thing to do. In fact, I get no enjoyment whatsoever out of working in the yard other than that once its done, I won't have to think about it except to mow the fucker. And I hate that too, btw. And because the only exercise I get anymore is the occasional bout of yoga, I am so ill-equipped for extended periods of manual labour that tonight every muscle in my body is screaming at me for being so abusive to myself. Especially my back. Maybe might have to step up the yoga regimen.
So basically I am in the position where I don't want to take advice because I am not asking for it, and I am annoyed that I am being judged based on someone else's idea of how my time off at home should be best spent. Maybe I don't have a fucking clue how to prepare a lot, or even maintain it, but it is mine, and if I want to fuck it up, I think that is my prerogative.
And while I am on lingering familial issues: I love Superwife's sister like one of my own; she's a terrific person, but fuck me does she try to get a rise out of everyone sometimes. I used to think I was exempt from it, but yesterday when she was over, she threw out a string of Jesus, God and The Holy Father Bless You's, when Trin sneezed, even though she knows that shit drives me nuts. When someone says 'Bless you' I say 'No thank you', and mean it. And I want my home to be a place that is free of all the religious horseshit I grew up with, and perpetuating that crap (intentional or otherwise) in front of my kid is not something I tolerate. I actually hate that Christians think that its polite to say that to everyone in the world. What if the recipients of the christian sentiment are of a spiritual persuasion that does not accept blessings, or are even Atheist, like me? I think the next time someone says 'Bless you' to me I am seriously telling them to fuck off. I think that will garner a response.
And did I mention my back is killing me? I did? Oh. Well it still is.
But, here's the thing: As helpful as he is, he thinks that there is only one right way to do anything, and guess whose way that is?(I'll give you a hint; it's not mine.) And he might be right, but that is not the point.
One part of doing things his way is for me to agree to every suggestion he might have on how best to prepare our lot, which I rankle at, because I do not like people telling me what to do. Advise, if asked, sure. But tell me what to do with my own place? Grr. The other, and more judgemental way of doing things his way is the not-completely-voiced opinion that I should be out in the yard shoveling, raking, planting, whatever every free second I have. Which is not my favourite thing to do. In fact, I get no enjoyment whatsoever out of working in the yard other than that once its done, I won't have to think about it except to mow the fucker. And I hate that too, btw. And because the only exercise I get anymore is the occasional bout of yoga, I am so ill-equipped for extended periods of manual labour that tonight every muscle in my body is screaming at me for being so abusive to myself. Especially my back. Maybe might have to step up the yoga regimen.
So basically I am in the position where I don't want to take advice because I am not asking for it, and I am annoyed that I am being judged based on someone else's idea of how my time off at home should be best spent. Maybe I don't have a fucking clue how to prepare a lot, or even maintain it, but it is mine, and if I want to fuck it up, I think that is my prerogative.
And while I am on lingering familial issues: I love Superwife's sister like one of my own; she's a terrific person, but fuck me does she try to get a rise out of everyone sometimes. I used to think I was exempt from it, but yesterday when she was over, she threw out a string of Jesus, God and The Holy Father Bless You's, when Trin sneezed, even though she knows that shit drives me nuts. When someone says 'Bless you' I say 'No thank you', and mean it. And I want my home to be a place that is free of all the religious horseshit I grew up with, and perpetuating that crap (intentional or otherwise) in front of my kid is not something I tolerate. I actually hate that Christians think that its polite to say that to everyone in the world. What if the recipients of the christian sentiment are of a spiritual persuasion that does not accept blessings, or are even Atheist, like me? I think the next time someone says 'Bless you' to me I am seriously telling them to fuck off. I think that will garner a response.
And did I mention my back is killing me? I did? Oh. Well it still is.
posted by raistlinsghost at 5/20/2008 02:02:00 AM
4 Comments:
Ah, I see you've met my own FIL. As an ex-seargent major, you can understand my frustration with him on a constant basis.
His way is the only way. He even criticized our new house, never congratulated us at all, just picked it apart because "HE" wasn't there to freaking choose it.
I digress, this is your vent, not mine.
I thought I was the only one who got my back up with people that threw out "god bless you" at a sneeze.
Oh, one tactic that I use with the FIL - especially when it's not something that I want to do, is to defer to his "expertise" and slowly back away, letting him take over completely. Think he'd notice your absence?
Sounds like we have the same kind of FIL in common too eh Jen? Sorry.
And the idea of me just leaving him to do the work sounds fine to me, except in this case I have my back up because it is my yard we're talking about. Otherwise, I not only don't think he'd notice, if he did I think he'd be all for it.
And feel free to vent all you want. I am happy to have inspired feelings of common misery. ;)
Joe and I feel quite dirty when a "Bless You" or the equivalent slips out from habit.
We're trying to stamp out those dirty habits in our home too.
It kills me that it's considered rude when you don't say it!
Couldn't agree more. How rude is it to shove your religion on someone because they sneezed?!?
And I haven't yet told anyone to 'fuck off' about it, but the compulsion to is still there.
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