The Occasional Solipsist

I am currently enjoying the long time off part of my shift work that comes around every five weeks, and find myself bored. Not in a negative or self-destructive way, nor even in a restless one. Just in an 'I've run out of projects to do, things to read, movies to watch, but I am still just quite content to enjoy not having to carry stress from my job' kind of way.

Its not lost on me that I am so lucky with the job that I have, and among other benefits, the time off that my shift work entails. That I don't mind working a swing shift is a given, as all-nighters and long days aren't a problem for me. But that Superwife equally doesn't mind my weird times of absence, or that I had a good day when being interviewed for the full time version of my job, and was subsequently successful in that competition. These things aren't lost on me.

I am also feeling a little more contemplative than normal. As I usually do this time of year, I have been thinking a lot about my friend Jon Cooley, who died way too young from cancer over the Canada Day weekend, what, almost seven years ago? Man how could that much time have gone by? I have never been able to be close to a lot of people. I usually draw a wall between myself and others that find a reason to make the attempt, and those attempts are few and far between, probably because I have always been a bit of an odd duck. I don't know who to blame for the way that I am. No one but myself I guess. But with Jon it was just different, and not because he died and I can now posthumously elevate our relationship, like some people are wont to do with their own friendships after losing someone. He and I always had a way of communicating to each other on a level that I have only since found with my wife and partner. My life has been a little poorer for Jon's absence and I still miss him greatly, even after all this time.

Hmm, now I have gone from contemplative to morose. But I am not, not really. Just bored. And maybe a little melancholy. I don't find thinking about absent friends morbid, but life affirming. I am not dead, or as far as I know, currently afflicted with anything more serious than inexorably working towards my own end like everyone else on this flying mudball. I am in a healthy, loving relationship with someone who for reasons mostly unknown to me has chosen me to spend her life with. I have a wonderful, vivacious, inquisitive daughter to help me see the world through, and along with a job that affords me the luxury of having so much time off at once that I can claim mild boredom as my only current problem, I guess I am doing all right.

I was going to go off about how Fucking Spectacular the 11th episode of Doctor Who was, what with Billie Piper finally returning to the show (sorry if that was a spoiler), but I think I'll just save anything more about that for later. I think I'll soon crawl into bed with the wife, and with no ulterior motives other than to feel her comfortable presence alongside mine, go rub her back in her sleep or something.

Labels: doctor who, everything else, family, work

I finally got around to seeing Cloverfield tonight, and I know I am way late to this party, but I hadn't seen it in theaters, and the guy I review Blu-Ray's for hasn't sent this one my way yet. For all I know it hasn't even been released yet. As I write this I am offline, and can't check on that. And the chances of me remembering to check and edit this post later, they are slim. We're over at the Out-Laws place tonight watching their house and dog while they're out of town, and their high speed connection is a no-show. I love living in the bush, but fuckme do I miss having fast, reliable internet.

So I just finished watching a copy of the flick, and it was so shockingly good that I can't believe I didn't go see it at the theater. Like a 90 minute heart attack, but without all that numbness and dying. Just a really immersive, pulse poundingly good scary flick. Think something like a Godzilla movie, but good, and shot from one perspective just like The Blair Witch Project, without giving you vertigo.

I hate to admit to being a cliche but I really was on the edge of the couch as I leaned over my laptop with this one.

And speaking of monsters: I was to have seen The Incredible Hulk tonight, but one of my movie-going buddies bailed on me and I never heard from another. No worries though, as Superwife and I are going to go see it later this week. She rocks so hard, that she is willing to use one of our very infrequent dates to go see it with me. She does have an affinity for the big green guy though; she used to watch the old 70's show with an afghan over her face to get her through the scary parts. We went to see the Ang Lee Hulk a few years ago and I almost lost out on taking her to comics-inspired flicks entirely, she was that disappointed. Hopefully this time Bruce Banner and his alter-ego will put on a better show.

Labels: family, movies, scifi

Dear Trinity,

One more month and you are going to be three years old. I hardly know what to say about that, though when the time comes I'll do my best regardless.



I wanted to talk to you this month about your Mom a bit, because she doesn't use this kind of communication to talk to you, and deserves the same kind of conduit to you that I have. Probably because after keeping up with an almost-3-year-old every day, she's too tired to sit down and type. And your Mom isn't much for technology anyway. Uses it as a tool when she needs it, but that's about it. Her and I couldn't be more different that way.

This month you have managed to be fairly busy while still maintaining some semblance of routine at home, and you have your Mom to thank for that. I work a weird swing shift job and am gone at all different times of day, and I can't keep my own schedule straight so I can't expect you to.

But your Mom is there every morning to wake up with you, and get you breakfast, and read and play and experience the day with you. I am more of a footnote I guess. Sometimes I am there, and sometimes I am either sleeping or at work. But your Mom is a rock.

So whatever happens between now and whenever you read this, I wanted to tall you that your Mom loves you more than you can possibly imagine and that, in my opinion, she is the best Mom ever. I've noticed that people experience parenting very differently, some taking to it as second nature, some doing the bare minimum they think their responsibilities obligate them to, and still others that probably shouldn't have been parents at all. But your Mom is in a class all her own. She is patient, and nurturing, and encouraging, and so loving. But don't go thinking she's a pushover or anything. If you ever need her to be firm (or you do something that requires her to be), your Mom can be as tough as diamond when she needs to be. I know that I've said this before but she is going to be your most stalwart supporter, so lean on that woman whenever you need to.

It goes without saying (yet here I am saying it, and not for the first time) that I am also there for you whenever you need me to be, because there isn't a thing that I wouldn't do for you, your happiness, your safety. The problem is that I have less patience and even lesser resolve. So I end up being less nurturing and a little more demanding of you, yet if you flash those brown eyes and either dive-bomb me with a hug or turn on the waterworks, I pretty much completely cave in t whatever demands you make.



What have you done this month? Well we took you to the Toronto Zoo and aside from the recurring issue of fighting with you about keeping your sun hat on, everyone had a great time. You were amazed by all of the animals, but were particularly fascinated with the elephants, and with any baby animals there. During the trip, you got to meet your new cousin, and you had a lot of fun playing with a real baby, in spite of the fact that he did little more than sleep.



You still delight your Mom and I with some of the things you say. Yesterday you overheard me talking to your Grandma about one of our less popular extended family members, her third husband. The guy's name is Barry but for reasons that I won't get into here, we either refer to him as 'Bunkie', or when we has really annoyed one of us, we refer to him as 'Underpants'. So while I was on the call, you were yelling at the top of your lungs 'Bunkie Underpants'! It was awesome.

You also have been taking to signing quite a bit lately, because either at home or in the car we always have music on. One of your favourites is 'Born to Be Wild' by Steppenwolf and that one you can sing the first verse of spectacularly well. The song you love most seems to be The Beatles 'Hey Jude', because that one you sing along with your Grandpa, and seem to have a pretty rocking time of it.



See you next month.

Love Daddy

Labels: family, superwife, trinity

So I am sitting in a hotel room in Toronto right now, while Trin and Superwife slumber away in the double bed beside me. And I can't sleep even though I have been on day shifts for the last 4 days. My mind would just rather be awake then asleep I guess.

We came down here to take Trin to the zoo and either delight her with the fact that all those animals she sees on tv and in books are real, or scare the shit out of her with that same fact as they stomp around in front of her. Either way, we're hoping for a big reaction.

Oh, and here's an update: I went to see Indy 4 after work last night with a pal, and don't listen to anyone that tells you otherwise, this movie. Is. Fucking. Awesome. Fucking awesome I tells ya! Its fun, campy and full of comedy, just like all its predecessors. Yes, there is a very scif-fi MacGuffin instead of the usual religious tripe. So? If anything, that made the movie better than any of the first three. Check out this thread if you're interested in hearing more on the debate. If you are a fan of these movies, don't be a sheep and listen to the naysayers. Go see it. You won't have more fun at the movies this year until, well, until you get around to seeing Iron Man. Or until Dark Knight comes out. Or Hulk. Or X-Files 2. Well still, it is very good.

And just so its been said, Shift Work FTW!, cause its a Tuesday night and my workweek is over til Friday night.

Labels: family, movies, scifi, superwife, trinity, work

So I have been having some fun with the Out-Laws lately, specifically the F-I-L. Great guy, as I have said before, but now that we are in the middle of getting the outside of our place ready, he is being just a little more vocal in giving his opinion on how I should get things done than I am comfortable with. He is a very forceful guy, used to being completely in charge at work, and that bleeds out a bit whenever anyone is working with him. Normally its all good, as I am usually helping him do something, and I acquiesce to him where his business is concerned. But lately, he's been helping out at our new place, and he has been a huge help, bringing over tools, and machinery, even driving his tractor over to help smooth out topsoil. Holy shit I am going to sound ungrateful complaining about this.

But, here's the thing: As helpful as he is, he thinks that there is only one right way to do anything, and guess whose way that is?(I'll give you a hint; it's not mine.) And he might be right, but that is not the point.

One part of doing things his way is for me to agree to every suggestion he might have on how best to prepare our lot, which I rankle at, because I do not like people telling me what to do. Advise, if asked, sure. But tell me what to do with my own place? Grr. The other, and more judgemental way of doing things his way is the not-completely-voiced opinion that I should be out in the yard shoveling, raking, planting, whatever every free second I have. Which is not my favourite thing to do. In fact, I get no enjoyment whatsoever out of working in the yard other than that once its done, I won't have to think about it except to mow the fucker. And I hate that too, btw. And because the only exercise I get anymore is the occasional bout of yoga, I am so ill-equipped for extended periods of manual labour that tonight every muscle in my body is screaming at me for being so abusive to myself. Especially my back. Maybe might have to step up the yoga regimen.

So basically I am in the position where I don't want to take advice because I am not asking for it, and I am annoyed that I am being judged based on someone else's idea of how my time off at home should be best spent. Maybe I don't have a fucking clue how to prepare a lot, or even maintain it, but it is mine, and if I want to fuck it up, I think that is my prerogative.

And while I am on lingering familial issues: I love Superwife's sister like one of my own; she's a terrific person, but fuck me does she try to get a rise out of everyone sometimes. I used to think I was exempt from it, but yesterday when she was over, she threw out a string of Jesus, God and The Holy Father Bless You's, when Trin sneezed, even though she knows that shit drives me nuts. When someone says 'Bless you' I say 'No thank you', and mean it. And I want my home to be a place that is free of all the religious horseshit I grew up with, and perpetuating that crap (intentional or otherwise) in front of my kid is not something I tolerate. I actually hate that Christians think that its polite to say that to everyone in the world. What if the recipients of the christian sentiment are of a spiritual persuasion that does not accept blessings, or are even Atheist, like me? I think the next time someone says 'Bless you' to me I am seriously telling them to fuck off. I think that will garner a response.

And did I mention my back is killing me? I did? Oh. Well it still is.

Labels: atheism, family, rants

Dear Trinity,



I'm writing you a little later than normal this month; for some reason I haven't felt like I have all that new to tell you lately. But of course, like any other month, you continue to grow and change and develop and I am just not making a big deal enough out of that. Or maybe its that I have been so busy either having fun or losing my (admittedly small amount of) patience with you. One neato thing about your personality developing is that as it grows so does your capacity to want to get your own way, and so often what you want conflicts with what I think might be the right course of action. Foreshadowing for the future, you think?



This month has been about par for our life as it is nowadays. I work a lot, you and your Mom hang out at home a lot, or visit with your family up here. When I am off, we get to hang out, continue watching the few episodes of Star trek that might be considered kid-friendly.

We are going to head down to see your Aunt and some old friends 5 hours away tomorrow morning and I am both really looking forward to the trip and dreading it because its been almost a year since we've had you in the car for that length of time. We will just have to see how it goes.



Your Grandpa came to visit with us this past month. You had such a good time with him, which really surprised us, because you really haven't seen him that much, so we figured you'd be shy around him. But not so. You played harder with him than you have with anyone, launching yourself at him like a skydiver. You made him pretend to be the Big Bad Wolf (of 'Three Little Pigs' fame) about a hundred times, but in your version of the story, the little pig was always the winner. The next time we see him will likely be at his 4th wedding this summer, if we can get to it. Yeah, 4th wedding I said. Ask me about that one sometime.

This month I noticed a greater than usual amount of people commenting about your immense vocabulary and your control over it. I imagine that a function of being around adults more means that you are likely to pick up linguistic skills easier, but its just as plausible that you are a ridiculously smart girl instead. I like that one.



Some favourite things of yours this month: Kraft Dinner. No matter what meal it is, the one thing that we are guaranteed that you will at least eat some of, is Kraft Dinner. You usually like to share too, which always brings a smile. Your favourite book lately has been a collection of condensed Disney stories, that you often prefer to flip through yourself a few times before you pick one (or all) for me to read. Your favourite tv show has been 'Peep and the Big Wide World'. You call it Peep and the Whole Wide World, and you scream bloody murder if we try to correct you. I just call it Peep.



I couldn't settle on what pictures to post with this letter, so I am attaching more than the normal amount. Each of them is just too adorable to toss into the pile of other pictures I'm not showing the world (and you).

See you next month.

As always, your Daddy loves you.

Labels: family, trinity

Dear Trinity,

You and I continue watching old Trek series together and have this month moved to the all-important watching Star Trek: The Next Generation portion of our Daddy/Daughter relationship. Much to Mom's dismay, you really get off on yelling around the room when its time to watch a new episode. Obviously a series that can sometimes show adult themes or violence can only be seen in a very abbreviated state by a 2 year old, but this is where the luck of having a Dad that has seen every episode at least a dozen times comes in. I just skip past the offensive bits and you and I have a blast together.

You continue to amaze with both your vocabulary and your ability to hold conversations with it. You can carry on a conversation now on some level about almost anything, and you have integrated talking so much into your imaginative play that its awesome to just sit back and listen as you tell stories, make up scenarios, have conversations. The books you like to read have also been affected by your growing vocabulary. You now want to read stories that have lots of text and sometimes you like to flip through them and repeat the words you know are associated with each page, as if you were reading them on your own.

The longest part of the winter is almost over now, and I for one am just fine with it. Your Mom and I have spent the last month with you taking advantage of whatever we could think to do in the sometimes ridiculously cold Northern Ontario winter, and we're pretty much ready to start doing things outdoors with you in nicer weather now.



Yesterday, you and I went ice fishing together, (no Mom allowed this time) and hung out with your Uncle Dave and a friend of his and his little girl. You did what we do out there; ate hot dogs, jigged for fish and were generally the highlight of everyone's afternoon. On the way back you honked the horn the entire way across the lake to your grandparents house, and it was funny all the way there.



Today we went out to a local Maple Tapping operation to expose you to probably the last winter outdoor thing we could think of that we hadn't already done or rejected. We went on a horse sleigh ride, saw some part of the 5,000 or so tapped trees, ate taffy and hot dogs, and had an all around awesome time. We also went out for dinner tonight, and you opted to wear a princess dress-up outfit. There was a live band and you again entertained everyone as you ran around the restaurant between our table and the band's setup dancing your little heart out.



The past few months has seen a quantum leap in your ability to draw, a fact that I have gone around telling, showing and blogging about already. Here is the latest from the growing pile of your artwork we are putting away. You actually told us it was Baby Jack Jack from The Incredibles. Awesome.



You also have been really enjoying using the computer lately. You haven't quite got the mouse down yet but your Mom and you discovered interactive flash games on the Sesame Street site and you have been using the keyboard a little when prompted. You love Youtube too, and can't get enough of being able to ask for something and finding a video clip of it a few seconds later. Until you surpass me as the resident computer geek of the family, I will continue to find it both cute and a point of pride.

See you next month,

Love Daddy

Labels: family, trinity

Dear Trinity,



I have to gush about this one. When I saw this picture that you drew when I came home from work tonight I was so taken aback I actually said the words ' I am completely taken aback.'

At which point you said 'Don't take it back!' and proceeded to remove the object of my fandom from the refrigerator. But seriously, this thing is getting framed. You have been drawing, painting and colouring for months now, but out of nowhere your random squiggles and lines and shapes coalesced today into a fairly clearly recognizable depiction of a person, a little baby in fact. I was so taken aback.

And here's an interesting thing; You just watched me open my utorrent client on my laptop and with no prompting from me whatsoever you asked if we could 'download shows Dad?' So either I am introducing you to illegal downloading or I am exposing you to the communal experience of filesharing, depending on one's point of view. But either way, you are paying close attention. If I hadn't already used it, I would claim that the event had me taken aback. But I digress.



This past month has seen your Mom and I expose you to something we thought we wouldn't do for years: ice fishing. I had myself convinced that you were going to end up in the lake if we took you out, but as it turned out, it was a very safe, enjoyable experience. You loved helping out with the bait and were very into being taught how the whole operation worked. It was a lot of fun. And your Mom introduced you to the sole reason why she goes ice fishing; Hot Dogs. Apparently in her family, no matter what time you go out, or if you ate immediately before you left, went you get to the ice hut and light the stove, it is necessary to cook and eat hot dogs. I think it likely that it contributed to your enjoyment of the whole experience.



You have been busy this past month snapping pictures with your new camera, so we have lots and lots of digital pics of the floor, the ceiling, body parts that come off as random blurry somethings, and the occasional self-portrait that would make any MySpace Profile-portrait-taker envious. I mean seriously, things don't get much cuter.

When I sit down to write these letters, I always feel like I need to tell you more about what's going on in your life, because it seems like I fall short of accurately capturing how you've changed since the last month. But I also don't want to feel like I am taking notes either. I guess as long as you look back on these and know how I felt about you when I wrote them, then my work is done.

Love Daddy

Labels: family, trinity

So my laptop is back and now I so am I, at least in a connected sense. If anyone is wondering what kind of warrantee service HP offers, it rocks. Had my baby back in no time, and it is as good as new now.

UPS however, is a gang of douchebags for leaving my repaired laptop on my porch in a Northern Ontario winter, but since it was mild (for here) and my laptop was none the worse for the experience, I am going to forego making a stink and just let it go.

While I waited for my laptop to come back and have been off on the long break part of my swing shifts, I have been keeping busy doing a ridiculous amount of ice fishing, had a great bud of mine stay with us for a few days, fixed my snow blower (all by myself and I am SO proud of myself about it), watched a few movies, notably the fantastic Juno, and the lackluster Justice League New Frontier, and got caught up on every comic book in my read pile that I hadn't yet gotten to.

And about those comics: My take on the recent Spider-Man One More Day/Brand New Day business is that it fucking stinks. Spider-Man's marriage to Mary Jane and its subsequent Omega Level Retcon was nothing short of ludicrous. I love Spider-Man (and usually JMS), but I don't see how erasing his marriage, his revealing his identity to the world and pretty much anything else than lent substance to the character is supposed to make the character better. And as some kind of struggle between the devil and god no less. Grrr. I always loved the idea that Superheroes can have family lives and still be cool, and the fact that I myself am a family man probably has something to do with that appeal. So, boo Marvel. Bad decision.

And did I mention that I single-handedly diagnosed and fixed my snow blower? I did? Oh. Cause I did. All by myself.

Labels: comics, everything else, family, movies, narcissism, rants

getting me through
Originally uploaded by raistlinsghost

Here's a little love note from superwife that is doing wonders getting me through an otherwise really shitty night at work. Its just one of those nights that I want to be at home with my family a whole hell of a lot more than I want to be at the office.

And Superwife's addition of the horns and tongue on the making-fun-of-Jeebus postie that the note is written on just adds that extra something special.

Labels: family, superwife, work

A friend of mine loaned me his entire collection of DVD sets that encompass the seven year Star Trek: Deep Space Nine series and I have been working my way through it whenever I can, sometimes by myself and sometimes with either or both of Trin and Superwife watching with me. I know, this guy is a nice friend eh? I wouldn't trust anyone I know with hundreds of dollars of my stuff. But that maybe says more about me being a a bit of a jerk than anything else.

Anyway, out of all of the Star Trek series I have watched over the years, DS9 was the one that I always thought the least of. I watched a few episodes here and there, but I never paid it the kind of fanatical attention that I have given to all the other series. To wit, I have copies of pretty much every Next Generation and Enterprise episode, all the movies on various formats, and have watched and re-watched all the Original Series episodes countless times. Even with Voyager I have seen every episode at least once and I knew that show sucked while I was watching it. I think probably because I was (and am) a HUGE Babylon 5 fan that I never gave Paramount's version of a space station on the frontier much of a chance. But I am almost through Deep Space Nine now, one season left to go, and I have a whole new appreciation for the series. Its really very good. I listened to a speech put on by Armin Shimmerman (the guy who played Quark, the bartender) at a convention once, and I now wish I had been more into the show at the time so that I would have geeked out a little more about seeing him speak in person.

The reason for this morning's DS9 love in, is that I just now finished watching one of the most moving Trek episodes I have ever seen and felt the need to record my thoughts before they flitter off onto something else less impactful.

The episode was called Time's Orphan and centered around a Time Travel accident that involves The O'Briens and their daughter Molly. The little girl disappears through a re-use of the City on The Edge of Forever prop 300 years into the past, and when the O'Briens manage to get her back she has aged ten years, and not for the better. She has spent the last ten years as a savage, the only inhabitant on an isolated planet. She is violent, can hardly communicate and only wants to go back to what she thinks of as home. At one point while the O'Briens try to reconnect with their daughter she attacks a number of people and ends up viciously stabbing one poor bystander, causing her to be arrested.

In the end, faced with the prospect of their little girl being sent to some rehabilitation center she would most likely die at, the O'Briens (through the miracle of Treknology) decide to send her back through the time-gate to live out the rest of her life where she is happy and safe. And the scene when they let her go, and the two of them have to say goodbye to her, ostensibly forever, is just really, really heartbreaking. Either the acting in this Star Trek was better than I would have thought, or the fact that I now have a daughter impacts me in ways that I would never have suspected. I seriously had a good cry because of that scene.

And yes I know my daughter isn't likely to go time travelling anytime soon, but I do not ever want to say goodbye to her in any permanent sense as long as I live. I can only hope that she outlives me by a wide margin and that she gets the chance to be happy and safe for however long she has. See, here I go again. Fucking Star Trek: You've been teacher, comforter, friend and longtime companion. But I never thought you'd turn me into a crybaby.

Labels: family, star trek, trinity

Dear Trinity,

This month you got to spend your first xmas at our new place, and you had quite a time of it. You got a laundry list of things for xmas from your Mom and I, as well as from all of your grandparents and Aunts and Uncles and friends. If things keep on like this, this new house of ours is going to get filled up quicker than we'd planned. Here is some of the loot that I think bears worth remembering:

• Twilight Turtle - We got this one for you. It projects a starfield on the ceiling from a cutesy plush turtle. The telescope is next year, so keep your eyes on the stars. Er, ceiling.
  
• Digital Camera - I so love that you have this. Until you take a pic of me with a finger knuckle deep in a nostril with it, that is.
  
• Dora video game - aww, your first video game (actually it isn't but the infant learning one we bought last year never caught on)

You had a lot of fun opening and playing with your new stuff. And you were so polite to everyone, every single time you got a new gift. One would think that you would get tired of all the "Thank you so much"es and "I love you"s, but you didn't seem to. We shot some video and of course, we took a number of obligatory pictures. Not as many as I did last year, because I tried to actually be a participant as well as a photographer this time around.



A friend of mine loaned me the series set of Star Trek: Deep Space Nine and I have been working in episodes pretty much whenever I can. I don't know if its the exposure to it or that you get off on knowing how much it pleases your Dad, but the fact of the matter is that you like Star Trek. For a geek like me I really don't know what else there is to say other than that you. Like. Star Trek. So fun. And it is so annoying for your Mom, because now there is no longer only one trekkie in the house, so we actually get to watch it. Obviously any episode that has any real violence in it gets omitted, or if anything nasty is coming up, we just skip by it. For that reason I end up re-watching a lot of Trek, but I'm not complaining about that. And when you see the Changeling shapeshift your imagination is working overdrive. That is pretty cool.

You got your very first dogsled ride this past month. We were walking our husky and pulling you along on your toboggan at the same time and decided maybe we had ourselves a winning combination. So we hooked the leash to your sled and you had the time of your life. I think we are going to have to get that doggie a proper harness for next time. Both you and her had a big sleep that night and that is the kind of thing your Mom and I like to see in both of you.



It looks like your Mom is going to be able to work a few days a month now that we have access to free daycare (your Grandma) that will make it financially viable for her to. But on the days that your Mom is going to work and I am off (thank you, shift work) you and I are going to get to hang out together, and I am so looking forward to that. And its not looking to be the nasty cold winter we were promised, so hopefully we'll get to do a lot of outdoor fun stuff in the snow. I am thinking of taking you ice fishing, but you are only going if you are attached securely to me. I don't want to spend any part of the trip freaking out worrying about you deciding to see where the hole in the ice goes.



Not much else to tell you about Princess, except that you are my Princess. I don't mind the implied connotation that I think of your Mom as a Queen, because she is, but I am no King, except maybe of random Star Trek trivia.

See you next month,

Love

Daddy

Labels: everything else, family, star trek, trinity

I am feeling old tonight.

I was laying in the bath earlier and was listening to my daughter throw a spectacular tantrum out in the living room with Superwife. And I just felt old. I know that I am not that old to have a two year old daughter, but sometimes I am older than I'd like to be with one.

Earlier today Trin threw a similar tantrum while Superwife was trying to take her out of her carseat and ended up smacking herself so hard in the lip on the car door that she cut herself. It wasn't Superwife's fault at all, but I was so paralyzed when it happened.

I guess tonight I kind of wish that we had Trin years ago, when I was only marginally less stupid than I am now. I am comforted by the fact that causality would have demanded that we had a totally different child then the one we have in the here and now, but I have been thinking lately of how old I will be when certain milestones in my daughter's life are reached. First day of school, driver's test, high school graduation, first boyfriend. And yes it will happen in that order, if me and my shotgun have anything to say about it. I am also comforted by the fact that Superwife is the awesome Mom that she is. I love my little girl more than I love myself, and being the narcissist that I am, that is saying a lot. But I don't have the patience that Superwife does, and she is so good with our little girl that I feel like such a pretender by comparison.

I don't think this melancholy has anything to do with the changing of the year, but I suppose if I think about it long enough, I could make a connection. I just feel old in my bones tonight. Maybe its the fact that the holiday season is over and there's not much to look forward to between now and warm weather except for a little ice fishing. Maybe its that I feel like at my age, it might be better to have more security at work than I do now. But I have only my decision to switch careers a few years ago to blame for that one. Maybe its a recurrence of the financial pressure of being the only bread-winner in the family. But maybe I just know that I won't be around forever, and when the end does come, hopefully 70 years or so from now, I am going to want to have had more time with the people that matter to me.

Or maybe I am just having a periodic attack of melodrama and I need to lighten the fuck up.

Labels: causality, family, trinity

So its early xmas morning, even earlier than I would normally be up on the 25th of December, and instead of getting ready to watch my little girl exhaust herself opening and playing with her xmas presents, I am instead getting ready to go to work for a 12 hour shift. The joys of shift work are now being fully realized as I get to experience firsthand that when you work somewhere that never closes, someone has to be there on xmas.

There are a few things that are going to make it worthwhile though. It is likely to be stone dead at the office today, and that will be a nice change of pace for a day shift. I will also get paid a ridiculous amount of money thanks to that strong union and their requirement that people that work stat holidays get paid twice their normal rate. And the last one isn't so much a benefit but rather a consolation; Trin is only 2 and a half, and as such isn't going to know that when she celebrates xmas on Boxing Day that she's really a day behind the rest of the world.

And as an atheist I really don't have a leg to stand on anyway. Its not like I'm missing out on the cake and ice cream at the birthday party we're throwing at home for Jesus or anything.

Labels: atheism, everything else, family, work

So Superwife and I took Trin out for her first Halloween tonight. And it was so different than it ever would have been if we had have stayed down south.

We took her to canvas the people in the neighborhood that she knew and that entailed driving her to and from each one, getting out of the car, going up to the door and watching her turn into some shy meek little thing that I had heretofore never met in my life. She managed to whisper out a trick or treat each time, and because hardly anyone ever visits the sticks, every stop she scored a ridiculous amount of loot.

But the best part was that we live so far out in the middle of nowhere that not once on our tour of the back roads did we come across one other single kid out for Halloween. Truth is we were watching for deer a lot more than we were watching for other kids. And we actually saw deer.

Labels: family, trinity

Ah, shift work. I'm off for a few days, so I am getting myself trained to nights again and here I am up late with no one for company but Radiohead and the folks from Attack of the Show. And that is just fine with me.

I am going to get to take Trin out for Halloween with Superwife tomorrow, and I'm very happy about that. She has at least four costumes to date, and we are letting her decide which one she wants to go out with. She's got a pumpkin, lion, ladybug and princess so far. She may end up wearing all of them before the night is over, and that is okay with me too.

In keeping with the spirit of Halloween, Superwife and I watched The Shining tonight, and it was just as good as the last time I saw it. It is so much fun knowing that Jack is crazy pretty much the whole time they're at the hotel. Like going back and watching The Sixth Sense to watch all the little clues that were there had you just looked for them the first time. The look on Jack's face when he's freaking out on Wendy for interrupting his writing always makes me laugh. 'All work and no play' indeed.

Anyway, I remembered this awesome spoof of The Shining that I had come across (and posted about on this blog) years ago and just had to share it again. Single best use of a Peter Gabriel song ever. Enjoy.

Happy Halloween.

Labels: everything else, family

So my Mom and her third current hopefully soon-to-be-ex husband came to visit today, and holy shit was that a day I couldn't wait to be over.

My Mom and I have a pretty strained relationship to begin with. This is due in large part because she's as crazy as a shithouse rat. No beating around the bush tonight, I guess. Don't get me wrong; I love her dearly. And she means well, I think. I know that she had my best interests at heart when I was growing up, even though I disagreed with pretty much everything that came out of her mouth. Still do. But I had a really fucking wild childhood because of her and I can only take her in measured, careful doses.

The good part is that she loves my daughter so unconditionally that it makes up for most of the baggage that she has given me to carry around with. Most of it.

Anyway she brings Bunkie (yup, that's what we call her husband) with him every time she visits and he makes an already tenuous situation so much worse. He is half crazy himself, and his motivations are nowhere near as magnanimous. He talks over everyone else, mumbles to himself, spends at least half of every visit in the bathroom (that one is a blessing), and is just plain fucking weird around my daughter. You know how some people just give off a creepy (I hate to use this next word, but it fits) vibe? Something very odd about the guy.

And today, he starts a screaming match with me about how he got lost following us and how it was my fault. Normally I am a bit conservative with confrontations. I prefer not to have them if they are avoidable. But I also try to live by the adage 'never start fights, but always finish them'. So when he started in on me, and I realized he wouldn't be put off by placating or ignoring him, I went nuts on him. I told him that he can verbally abuse my Mom like that for as long as she is willing to put up with it, but I am not the one married to him, and he better be goddamn careful with the way he talks to me. I then proceeded to use a lot of swearing and yelling back at him, and I eventually convinced him to back all the way off. I think I was actually thinking about punching the guy out I was so mad.

The worst part though? They are coming back over in the morning for breakfast before they head home.

Deep breaths, right?

Labels: family, rants

Finally.

My Out-Laws finally caved and got high speed wireless set up. And now that I am going to be staying here for an extra 2 months, it is a welcome treat indeed. I don't even care that I am going to pay for it while I'm here. I would pay so much more than $50 a month for this.

Right now I am simultaneously downloading a few movies via utorrent, streaming a youtube vid, surfing the web, shopping at Penny Arcade, chatting with some of my peops (cause that is what I call them, naturally) and blogging. To those that are accustomed to high speed, these things would seem commonplace and not worth talking about. But, if like me, you had your beautiful fast internet connection torn out of you like an umbilicus and replaced with a shitty, rarely working super-low speed dialup, you would be so empathetic.

Labels: everything else, family

So I have done almost nothing over the past week but work and hang out at the hospital. Super-brother-in-law is starting to heal up after 2 surgeries, but he's got a bunch more of those before he's done. Poor guy.

I got in a huge ridiculous fight with his nurse last night when I was the only one there with him and they tried to move him. Said his supplemental insurance only covered him for a ward room instead of the private room he was in. I knew he was covered for it, but man oh man, did I have to fight for him to stay in that room. Its safe to say that his nurse and I aren't going out for dinner anytime soon.

I keep meaning to post something lately, but there isn't time, and I don't think my new boss would appreciate my doing it from work. I've come across a bunch of things that I've been meaning to talk about, but I think I'll do a linkfest soon and save myself some time.

A fellow blogger did one of those random questionnaire things, thought I'd join that party. Here is her link, and here are the questions and my answers. I'm too lazy to tag anyone, but if you're so inclined, take the questions yourself and link back in the comments:

Q1. If you had to name the most terrifying moment of your life so far, what would it be?

Q2. If you could keep only one article of clothing you currently own and the rest were to be thrown out, what would you keep?

Q3. If you had to eat in only one restaurant for the rest of your life, which one would you choose?

Q4. If you could physically strike one person from your past (that you didn’t), who would you hit, and where?

My answers:

A1. Immediately after Trinity was born (as in right after the delivery) she was having trouble breathing. Too much fluid in her lungs. Superwife ordered me to go with her to the monitoring room, and the hour that it took to make sure that she was ok were the most terrifying moments of my life.

A2. I would keep my Kingdom Come Superman t shirt. Second one that I've owned because I wore the first one out. I hope to get cremated in it.

A3. A little Italian place in St. Catharines called Cafe Amore. It is housed in what used to be an auto garage, and the food is the best I had ever had, every single time we went there.

A4. Probably my ex-stepmother. She was an abusive, mean, manipulative monster of a woman that was so insecure that she took out her petty jealousies on a little kid (me) for years. If anyone ever needed a punch in the face that I didn't lay one on, it was that woman.

Labels: everything else, family

So last night was Superwife and I's fifth wedding anniversary. But I didn't spend it with Superwife. I spent it at the hospital instead, waiting for her brother to come out of surgery, hoping that he would be able to avoid having his leg amputated.

Let me back up a bit.

Superwife's brother (Superbrother-in-law?) got into a very bad motorcycle accident when a deer jumped out in front of him on the highway two nights ago. He flew over the handlebars of his bike when he braked to avoid the collision and bounced his way into a ditch about 50 yards away.

Deer, as it turns out, have become quite the nuisance around here these days, something to do with a lack of deer hunt tags causing a population explosion. We've seen hundreds ourselves on or right beside the roads since the move but we haven't had any close calls.

Here's the laundry list of the poor guy's hurts: Broken femur, broken pelvis, two broken knees, broken fibula, an uncountable number of bruises and a lot of missing skin.

For reasons that will be excellent grounds for a forthcoming lawsuit, the hospital didn't operate on the femur until 24 hours after the accident, a fact that the surgeon himself indicated increased the potential complications by a very large factor. Turns out that some admitting douchebag put the wrong surgeon's name on the admitting form, one that wasn't on call until the next day, and the surgeon that we actually passed in the hallway had no idea he was even in the hospital.

So now, we all have to wait and see if that wait means an infection might set in and force an amputation of the leg, a fact that the victim himself has not yet been made aware of. No reason to tell him what might happen, I suppose.

Finally, there's a pretty good sized downfall about living away from an urban center: Mediocre medical care. I imagine they pay the same here, but it must be hard to get quality medical staff to stay in the sticks. Either way, the shit is going to get spread all over the fan when the family sits down with the chief of staff of the hospital over this whole mess.

In the meantime, Superbrother-in-law (I have to come up with something better than that) is beginning to mend, but if he gets through everything ok, it will be awhile before he's going to get to use those legs again.

Now missing that anniversary seems like an awfully small and unimportant thing in light of everything else. These things always do wonders for perspective, don't they?

Labels: everything else, family

Dear Trinity,



I have to gush about this one. When I saw this picture that you drew when I came home from work tonight I was so taken aback I actually said the words ' I am completely taken aback.'

At which point you said 'Don't take it back!' and proceeded to remove the object of my fandom from the refrigerator. But seriously, this thing is getting framed. You have been drawing, painting and colouring for months now, but out of nowhere your random squiggles and lines and shapes coalesced today into a fairly clearly recognizable depiction of a person, a little baby in fact. I was so taken aback.

And here's an interesting thing; You just watched me open my utorrent client on my laptop and with no prompting from me whatsoever you asked if we could 'download shows Dad?' So either I am introducing you to illegal downloading or I am exposing you to the communal experience of filesharing, depending on one's point of view. But either way, you are paying close attention. If I hadn't already used it, I would claim that the event had me taken aback. But I digress.



This past month has seen your Mom and I expose you to something we thought we wouldn't do for years: ice fishing. I had myself convinced that you were going to end up in the lake if we took you out, but as it turned out, it was a very safe, enjoyable experience. You loved helping out with the bait and were very into being taught how the whole operation worked. It was a lot of fun. And your Mom introduced you to the sole reason why she goes ice fishing; Hot Dogs. Apparently in her family, no matter what time you go out, or if you ate immediately before you left, went you get to the ice hut and light the stove, it is necessary to cook and eat hot dogs. I think it likely that it contributed to your enjoyment of the whole experience.



You have been busy this past month snapping pictures with your new camera, so we have lots and lots of digital pics of the floor, the ceiling, body parts that come off as random blurry somethings, and the occasional self-portrait that would make any MySpace Profile-portrait-taker envious. I mean seriously, things don't get much cuter.

When I sit down to write these letters, I always feel like I need to tell you more about what's going on in your life, because it seems like I fall short of accurately capturing how you've changed since the last month. But I also don't want to feel like I am taking notes either. I guess as long as you look back on these and know how I felt about you when I wrote them, then my work is done.

Love Daddy

Labels: family, trinity

So Trinity, Superwife and I just got back today from our first vacation of the summer, and now I'm settling into the first of four graveyard shifts in a row. (Don't worry boss: I'm blogging this on my lunch!)

The first day of my four days off we drove to my in-laws place on the lake for a well deserved break that was just long enough for everyone to have a great time. The trip up always takes 5 hours (each way!), which with the baby is about 4 and 1/2 hours too long. We're planning on hooking up an in-car DVD player for Trin so she can watch Sesame Street for at least a few minutes of the trip before she gets bored, (and thereby give Mom and I a little break) on the next trip.

We had a great time though. Trin got to go for her first real fishing trip and she loved it. I caught my limit in fish and exceeded my limit in UV rays; I forgot the sunblock and got one of the worst sunburns I've ever had. At least now, when the Big C: Cancer finally shows up, I'll have no one to blame but myself.

Note to self: obscure Alec Baldwin SNL reference, check!

And now that I'm back and plugged back in, I have a plethora of likely-only-interesting-to-me things that I have been intending to blog about, but lack the werewithal to write separate posts about each. So the following are some good links to click on, in no particular order:

• The Matrix is right around the corner. Scientists have found a way to implant a neuroprocessor in a human brain that can be used to detect brain activity and transmit those signals to a computer to then do .... pretty much anything I guess. Pretty soon, you too can say "I know kung-fu".
  
  
• Star Trek 40th Anniversary Convention. If there were a way for me to simultaneously get out of work AND convince Superwife that its a good idea for me to go to Vegas alone for a weekend, I would SO be going to this.
  
  
• 2 faced kitten video (courtesy of MSNBC) Pretty much proves evolution in one fell swoop because no god could be this much of a fucking jerk.
  
  
• Natalie Portman to star in the next Indiana Jones movie. Guess they managed to cast the part of Harrison Ford's Great-Great-Great-Granddaughter.

Btw, the pic above is one I actually took of the view of the sunset from pretty much outside my in-laws door. The photo isn't spectacular because I took it, but because I could hardly lose with a subject like that. Feel free to click the image for the big version and adorn your desktop (as I have) with the splendor that is a Lake Nipissing sunset.

I miss it already.

Labels: everything else, family, work

I had a really great first Father's Day today.

Superwife made me breakfast and bought me some nice presents, ostensibly from my 11 month old daughter. I got the LOST tie in book, Bad Twin, that I have been dying to read since it came out, as well as the Sting DVD Bring on the Night that was just re-released.

And those are really nice presents.

But I received the gift I got that I could put no value on driving home from Hamilton today.

Superwife and Trin were in the backseat playing by throwing the ball back and forth, and every time my wife withheld the ball from her, Trin would squeal and yell Dadda, or Dad.

Dadda.

Maybe she doesn't know for sure that Dadda isn't everything; she will point to a tree, our globe, the tv, the dog, and me, and say Dadda whilst pointing at each. But I don't care. She says Dadda, and I got to hear it on my first father's Day.

What could be a better present than that?

Labels: family

I thought all banks were supposed to be evil. That it was their sole purpose to find new and more incomprehensible ways to steal money from their customers. I mean honestly, who ever heard of a bank actually admitting fault and giving back a customer money??

Well today my wife and I received a cheque for a not completely insignificant amount refunding a very small portion of mortgage fees paid on a house we sold years ago. Apparently the highwayrobbers' bank's auditing process turned up a discrepancy in the amount they billed us when the mortgage was paid off at the time of transfer.

And they cut us a cheque for the difference.

I should probably point out here that this sort of thing never happens to us.

Ever.

We actually think of ourselves as The Break-Even Kids. Meaning there's probably an expensive car servicing or similar cost in our very near future.

I almost tore the letter from the bank up when I first saw it, assuming that it was an invitation to join their latest monthly fee plan, or a bid to guilt me into buying even more life insurance.

Of course, the downside to this is that now every time I do get one of those stupid offerings, I'll be opening it up like a sucker, expecting there to be a cheque inside.

Labels: family

For anyone who knows me, either through direct experience or gleaned from browsing through the many shining examples on this blog, I am not now, nor have I ever been the most sensitive of people.

Not that I'm declaring to the world for once and for all that I am a bonafide jerk. People like me don't make declarations like that.

But I will say that I am not anywhere near as nice a guy as some out there, and here's why:

I had to sit through an agonizing 8+ hour drive up north to my in-laws on Friday, a drive that should have taken a scant 4.5 hours but for one silly bitch's bad driving. I don't know the details of the accident that closed the highway seemingly FOREVER, but what I do know is that a minivan entered a contest with a gas tanker in a very head-on capacity and surprisingly, the minivan lost. And because of this loss, I myself lost an extra 3.5 hours that I would rather have spent at my in-laws sailing quietly away from sobriety.

So, insensitive prick that I am, I spent the vast majority of that time sitting on the highway, listening to Superwife loudly count the minutes to and past Trinity's next feeding, smelling the pungent aroma of my daughter's latest offering, and seething at how inconvenient it was for the person driving that minivan to go ahead and get into an accident that killed them.

Imagine the nerve, ruining my friday afternoon like that.

---

Insert funny segway here.

Meh, I've never been much for segways. To prove that, here's a great clip I came across today. Froggers of the world unite. Hilarious.

And in one bold, last non-segway, I just tonight got my hands on the new Ultimate Spiderman game. The good and moral part of me can't wait to save New York from all of the baddies. And the insensitive prick in me (see above) can't wait to kick hell out of all those innocent civilians.

Labels: family, gaming, rants, trinity

At my wife's suggestion, Trinity and I got to have our first bath together this afternoon.

I think she enjoyed it, but it was hard to tell with all of that splashing going on.

That was probably more me than her.

Probably one of the reasons that I think I'll do okay as a father is that her and I are likely to share the same emotional maturity for awhile, at least until she hits 9 or 10 and passes me for good.

But even so, its still going to take a little while to get used to all of this stuff in my tub.

Labels: family, trinity

St. Catharines is full of skunks.

I mean just fucking rotten with them.

We see them sometimes on our late night walks, darting underneath a porch or across a street, not running so much as moving with a purpose, they knowing full well that only an idiot would fuck with a skunk.

It turns out our dog Maya isn't too bright.

We let her out for her nightly ritual last night, and about 5 minutes later the worst smell I have ever encountered came wafting in through the door, letting us know that not only had she gotten into an altercation with a skunk, but that she had gotten into an altercation with a skunk and lost.

Recently Superwife and I watched an episode of Mythbusters (on the Discovery Channel) where the guys were trying to get a skunk to spray them and they went through three separate skunks before deciding that skunks must only spray when they are really pissed, because none of them would so much as sneeze at them.

Apparently Maya has methods of intimidation that the Mythbusters don't possess.

The poor thing got doused by the little bastard, along with my entire backyard, effectively putting a damper on our evening and hers.

It was only after a very thorough cleaning of a concoction our vet told us about that she was even allowed back in the house. And that after she had to spend her first night outside in her life.

The silver lining to my poor dog getting hosed with noxious fumes: My sister came over to help me shampoo Maya, and in the proces got her clothes completely soiled, leaving me the opportunity to outfit her in whatever we had handy.

So I now have a picture of my little sister, wife of a wealthy Italian businessman, who would normally not set foot out of the house without doing her hair and nails first, in a pair of trackpants, mismatched blue sneakers and a glittery superman shirt.

Needless to say, anything she may have previously been able to blackmail me with has been effectively nullified.

Labels: family